That fine line.
Right at the turning point, coming out of a spell of hard times, can you not feel it? There is that point, that defining moment when you realize the season of fruitlessness has officially become the past. Or in May, the beginnings of spring's budding trees, dry sidewalks, & radiant sun, when joy can be caught in the eye of the most miserable.
See! The winter is past;
the rains are over & gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
(Song of Songs 2:11-13)
Joy that doesn't fit in a cup.
Why so much joy all of the sudden? Could it be that the joy comes from the transition, the fine line just crossed? The paint so fresh, still etching in the back of our memories every emotion (or lack of) we felt through the nightmare we passed through? Most importantly, the question we all ask ourselves in the moment of joy overload- does this feeling have to end?
Why so much joy all of the sudden? Could it be that the joy comes from the transition, the fine line just crossed? The paint so fresh, still etching in the back of our memories every emotion (or lack of) we felt through the nightmare we passed through? Most importantly, the question we all ask ourselves in the moment of joy overload- does this feeling have to end?
When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Issac & Jacob, to give you- a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, & vineyards & olive groves you did not plant- then when you eat & are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
(Deuteronomy 6:10-12)
Joy comes from knowing where you've come from- knowing you've been rescued. Remembering roots is a central theme through out the whole entire Old Testament- part of why it is so hard to make it through. God is constantly personally reminding, as well as using His people to remind, all that He has brought them out of, clear back from the time He led them out of Egypt. HE parted the seas. HE was the pillar cloud (navigating system). HE gave them food out of nothing. Giving nobody room to be mistaken, He did not ration His power & supernatural ability. He just provided, & He wanted us to recall everything He did always. Why?
But do not be afraid of them; remember well what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh & to all Egypt. You saw with your own eyes the great trials, the miraculous signs & wonders, the mighty hand & outstretched arm, with which the Lord your God brought you out.
So they could find joy in knowing where they've come from & rest assured in confidence of God's unrelenting love, knowing his arm is still outstretched to his children.
The Lord your God will do the same to all the peoples you now fear.
(Deuteronomy 7:18-19)
The art of remembering.
How many times have you been reminded by others that we are all simply sinners saved by grace? Let me also refresh your memory of what it means to be a sinner. The bible tells us to be dead to sin, always striving toward holiness, a unity in Christ. So to constantly speak to ourselves & God everything he didn't make you to be... is that what we call thankfulness? Or respect? Or, how about humble? What you say you are is what you become. Speaking truths into your life is important if you want to step boldly before the throne & ask what it is you need. Unimportant is the art of looking back; let's look forward.
For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be His people, His treasured possession.
(Deuteronomy 7:6)
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
(1 Peter 2:9)
& healing begins.
Everything triggers the flashbacks. Burning flames burn the embers of late nights that transitioned to early mornings, the tousling of sheets. The candle lit evenings where I felt I was worth a match illuminating a warm glow. That first night he built a fire for the two of us, when his troubles escaped his heart before he knew me so well. The late night fires with friends when our secrets held our gaze from across the burn pile. Old beat up trucks, fueling the early beginnings, when I felt worth long drives & home cooked meals. Checker boards & rocking chairs, creaking in the memory of laughter. Baby bumps reliving the many tests taken, both minds awaiting an accident to arise.
The love & adrenaline faded to hopelessness, something that always happens when you get caught off path. & the point of me sharing this is because I know. I know that there is a waiting period. You don't decide to go back into the heartbeat of God & everything is right in that instant peachy perfect. I am in that pending state, still slipping into the dark corners of my mind when I wasn't who I was made to be, getting lost in the memories. The battle is still within. But I press on to better days, when the line is crossed & I don't long for the past. I reach for his promises, & I challenge you to do the same, whether now or when the trials come. Joy comes in the morning.
Everything triggers the flashbacks. Burning flames burn the embers of late nights that transitioned to early mornings, the tousling of sheets. The candle lit evenings where I felt I was worth a match illuminating a warm glow. That first night he built a fire for the two of us, when his troubles escaped his heart before he knew me so well. The late night fires with friends when our secrets held our gaze from across the burn pile. Old beat up trucks, fueling the early beginnings, when I felt worth long drives & home cooked meals. Checker boards & rocking chairs, creaking in the memory of laughter. Baby bumps reliving the many tests taken, both minds awaiting an accident to arise.
The love & adrenaline faded to hopelessness, something that always happens when you get caught off path. & the point of me sharing this is because I know. I know that there is a waiting period. You don't decide to go back into the heartbeat of God & everything is right in that instant peachy perfect. I am in that pending state, still slipping into the dark corners of my mind when I wasn't who I was made to be, getting lost in the memories. The battle is still within. But I press on to better days, when the line is crossed & I don't long for the past. I reach for his promises, & I challenge you to do the same, whether now or when the trials come. Joy comes in the morning.
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