Swimming in an ocean of grace.

It's in the tired, mud-covered legs.
    Toes swishing in your shoes from the leftover creek absorbed by your socks, knobby knees covered in splatters of dried bugs, hairline scratches, & the occasional leech. It's in those times where you were so excited for a day in the woods until the alarm in your stomach goes off, growling begins, you stumble off path, taking a round about way back to the car, & sun comes like a winter coat- hot & heavy. & wouldn't you guess the blisters never forget to take their positions? The first sight of a solid strip of fresh mowed grass & clearing of that thick fog of trees, & it has turned into the amazing race, as you leap over the finish line into the tamed path leading to the car. Shoes off, air conditioning on, & you're chugging that warm bottle of water in the console like it's a Starbucks Caramel Macchiato with extra caramel & whipped cream. There's something about a moment of panting that makes you so thankful for the sound of the helicopter blades in the wind. Our rescuer is here.

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,

& he turned to me & heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair, 

out of the mud & the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

& steadied me as I walked along.

He has given me a new song to sing,

a hymn of praise to our God.

PSALM 40:1-3

Our hearts are awakened.
     I met Kate at my brothers' wedding. I had seen her a few times before, stirred in some small talk, & left without a second thought. But I praise God for that ceremony. It not only united two incredible people in marriage, but brought me Kate- a wonderful friend who shares a love for Jesus. In between slipping into our bridesmaids' dresses, taking what felt like a thousand photos, & shaking what our mamas gave us, we got to share glimpses of each others passionate hearts for Christ, & where we had come from, promising each other at the end of the night we'd meet up for our shared addiction of a spot of coffee the following week.
     & We did. We caught each other up from birth to present after four laps weaving through side streets & the park. We were both so relieved & refreshed by each others stories, hearing how different our paths can be but yet sharing so much of the same struggles, & recognizing God's ever-present hand over our lives- even when we couldn't feel it. I was raised in a Christian family with those 'strict overbearing parents' whom I am so so grateful for, & she was raised in instability, taking on the role of mother for her two little sisters early on with a lack of parenting for herself. When it was my turn to tell her about my testimony thus far, she sighed a huge breath of relief! "You don't know how refreshing it is to hear someone who comes from where you have who still battles & isn't perfect." Far from perfect, I am, & I felt so blessed to have a sister I could be so vulnerable with, sharing my ever so current battle scars & knowing she was for me. Every one needs a Kate. She is every bit more wonderful than you can imagine.

She's not perfect.
    You know that girl that tilts her head perfectly to the left with the prettiest pearly white smile & those baby blue eyes, straight out of the Victoria Secret swimsuit edition? Perfect body, glowing tan, the laugh that captures men everywhere & leaves girls in a jealous rage? That girl isn't perfect. I'm not saying she's fake, so let's not throw our accusative arrows. Just because she doesn't write her flaws on her t-shirt doesn't mean she's not genuine. But she's not perfect; so let her breathe. & maybe even eat a burger.

For all have sinned & fall short of the glory of God.

ROMANS 3:23

    The same grace we've been receiving is the same grace that gravitates others towards his perfect love. Sure, we want God's grace to cover us. After all, we know our hearts & know our intentions were never to turn away from God & mess up so much. But that girl who makes herself appear faultless? Her heart is in the wrong place. She's so vein. She needs taught a lesson. But here's the secret: 

Graceful.    We are covered not because of how together we have it or how great we are at following instructions & keeping the law, but by who's we are. It's the association game. You know the one where certain people get promotions or hired only because their dad knows somebody? Well our dad is that somebody. So we're covered. 

The meaning of a {n a m e}.
    I told you Kate's story to actually zone in on an important part of our conversation. Girls will be girls, & of course we begun talking about men & the princes we hoped would carry us off on those white horses, & the past we walked away from. She told me about her unappreciative past & how she'd been used, & about her expectations for the future- a deep inner desire for stability. Consistency.
    Recently having read Beth Redman's God Knows my Name, one part in particular that moved my spirit came when she talked about the names she had given her children. When searching for names, she searched & chose according to not the name but it's meaning. She named her children truths she wanted to speak over their lives. I love this! So I begun to wonder the truths that were being spoken over my closest sisters & I. When I reached Kate's, it became a jaw dropping moment.

Kate. Pure. Greek, American, French, Latin, Irish, English.

A deep inner desire for stable, loving family or community.

A need to work with others & to be appreciated.

    God named her. He looked into her, unformed in her mother's womb, & called her how he made her. You, my beloved one, are pure. I don't see your faults or your beginning or end. I see your innocence & beauty. I've made you wonderful for myself. I've made you pure. Even when she thought she was apart from him, he was in the moment, making it known who's she was.

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in Your book.

Every moment was laid out before 

a single day had passed.

PSALM 139:16

I was thrust into your arms at my birth.

You have been my God from the moment

I was born.

PSALM 22:10

    Not for a moment has God ever forsaken Kate, nor has he ever forsaken you & I. David writes in Psalms that God's plans for us are too numerous to list, for He has no equal, (PS. 40:5) & he delights in every detail of our lives (PS. 37:23-24). He says though we stumble- because stumbling is inevitable- we will never fall, for God holds us by the hand. Holds. That's present tense- that's always present tense. Because Paul hit the nail on the head in his letter to the Romans, when he said he's convinced that nothing can separate us from the love of God (ROMANS 8:38-39). No matter what our feet are doing or what we can feel, God is not just looking down on us, but He is holding our hand. What intimacy. What love. Now for something I'm still trying to grasp.

There is always enough grace.

    One thing the Lord has revealed to me recently, is the depth of grace. I read scriptures that talk about how light & darkness cannot coexist, & I've always assumed that every time I sin, God turns into a genie & disappears, because he can't stand to look upon sin. So when I'm caught up in my struggles, God's like, "Okay, you clean yourself up & be at dinner by 6:30. I'll talk to you when you've changed out of those filthy clothes & into something more appealing." But that's not how it works. That's not grace- that's making ourselves worthy- something we could never achieve. 

    God sought out the sinner. He loved us & grace came when he let His angels stand by while His creation murdered His son. & in that act when the grace of God flowed from heaven, pouring out over flesh, God said we're a new creation. As long as we believe that Jesus Christ was His own son, God with skin, we are covered by this thick, waterproof glaze known as grace. So what's the purpose of this grace?

    Now, when God looks into our eyes, He doesn't see our failures & mistakes. He sees His son in our eyes, His son whom he is pleased & loves relentlessly. He isn't afraid of our weaknesses, nor should we be. We are a new creation, the old has passed away & the new has come. Christ has come.

I am not perfect.

    God knew this from the beginning, there is no shock factor. Which is why he didn't delay in sending His son before we even tripped. Grasp this, will you. You will stumble. So what. Squeeze God's hand tighter; allow him to steady your wobbling legs. I'm not saying to take advantage of the cross & live as you please. I am telling you that if you're anything like me you mess up once & you're slapping your own hands, about to throw in the towel on your useless self. Take heart, my love. Love peace. Claim it, & keep praising. Grace already covered this moment.