Redefining Beautiful : Day Six

Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken & something beautiful, that there is a sliver of lightness on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, & that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness.

Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need both the bitter & the sweet, & that life if nothing but sweetness rots both your teeth & your soul. Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces & the callouses on our hands. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth & complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy.

[ SHAUNA NIEQUIST]

& we’re so poised.

We are an army of perfection, the sisterhood of Christ. Our hair lay to perfection even through the wind & rain, as we coat on the hairspray until it’s as stiff & waterproof as our hearts. We don’t wear sweats in public. We will never, never be seen without feeling we have all our ducks in a row.

We never get angry.

We never get our feelings hurt.

We never say no. Because if you have a problem, we can fix it.

We’re so held together. So tidy. & if we’ve made a mistake it wasn’t us it was them. Because we are daughters of God who are perfectly half hidden.

Because we see the girls around us that are the walking temples of Christ. They have the perfect thing to say, the perfect clothes to wear, the perfect families, & the perfect fingernails. & their smiles are as faithful as God in the flesh. Everlasting. Unending.

But who will be the first to unbutton the superwoman shirt to see what beauty lie in the bitter & the sweet?

 We begin to find & become ourselves when we notice how we are

already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously,

who we were born to be.

[ANNE LAMOTT]

Beautiful is flawed. Beautiful is giving God permission to gain through your open cuts, bruises, & shortcomings. Beautiful is moved by compassion to strange places & faces who need a share of the love we've been wrecked with. Beautiful is the transition of give & take, words built for peace & words built for battle. Beautiful is within you, whether it's breaking through or not. It's a matter of running against the crashing waves. Beautiful is a fight worthy of the extra huff & puff, the push & shove.

 

I believe in beautiful.

& so today, dear heart, it's my turn.

I introduce you to day six in our Redefining Beautiful series, along with the letter T.

Temperance.

Moderation in action, thought, or feeling. (Merriam-Webster)

Temperance.

A balance of

Stay & go.

Happy & sad.

Bitter & sweet.

There are two sides to every story, & two sides to beautiful.

 

 

 

Moderation in thought, feeling, or action. 

I try to never cry in front of people, because tears are tied to weakness. Brokeness. I-can't-do-it-ness. I tell myself never to get stressed or overwhelmed with the work piling on my desk or the class lectures I literally don't have enough time to watch, because if I do, I am incompetent. At work I do an extra fine job of maintaining a sweet, bashful attitude, afraid if someone doesn't see me with a smile I may be mistaken for bossy. Rude. Unqualified. & I leave work & tell myself I did it all wrong because in order to prove yourself a leader you must be loud, bold, fierce, & forward.

 

 

I worry about every little thing I say, telling myself I sounded too accusing & harsh, instead of nonchalant & curious.

 

 

I worry about every number & pound, letting my weight equate with my beauty & worth.

 

 

I call myself names.

 

 

 

& then I sing His praises.

 

 

 

I tell him I love Him, quoting how wonderful His works are & how beautiful His creation is. & my Hillsong Pandora station is blaring in the car as my right arm is outstretched across the passenger seat,  the competition of who can be louder having begun.

 

I love you, Lord. Great is your creation. Beautiful are your works.

 

& then I arrive at work, shut my music off to declare my body frumpy & unworthy of love.

 

The battlegrounds in my mind, with the enemy firing demanding accusations at my heart.

 

So the other day, my dad found the gold.

& though my thoughts were definitely not his thoughts, God was speaking to me through my father's question. It was the Adam moment, when God asked Adam where are you, fully knowing where Adam was hiding but asking him anyway. For Adam's sake. For my sake.

 

 

 

I love the house where you live, O Lord,

the place where your glory dwells.

[PSALM 26:8]

 

 

 

Where does God live, he asked, & my heart cried out here.

 

He's here, I'm here, & my body is His dwelling place. Welcome home.

 

& so I have a hands on experience for you, love.



I want you to go to the mirror & say you're sorry.



Touch your temples, & repeat after me:

I am fearfully & wonderfully made.

 

Place both hands over your heart, & repeat after me:

 

 

King Jesus is enthralled by my beauty.

 

Place both hands on your stomach, & repeat after me:
 

I love the house where you live, O Lord.

 

You are his first love.
God is truth, & He thinks you are heart throbbing. & if we take Him as Truth, then His thoughts are no longer opinions, rather facts. You are a beautiful, beautiful girl. Inside & out. You could say

but Sam you don't know me

& I would respond

but I know my Father.
 

He exchanges beauty for ashes, & created you calling you very good. Why would he create any less than beautiful & not trash it? Why would he make ugly, & refer to it as very good?

 

So this is to you.

My words to enlighten you to the truth. I want you to know that the devil is a liar. I've said it once & I will say it again. He will never call you beautiful & He will never encourage you, so don't give him the authority over your thoughts, feelings, & actions. Rather, make every thought obedient to Christ. Whatever is good, lovely, pure, righteous- think about such things.
 

Now, reverse to the part where we talk about temperance, & moderating actions, feelings, & thoughts.
 

What I am not telling you is to be emotionless.

I am telling you to be free, because you are.
 

God has made you an emotional being to love the things you love & to be passionate about what drives you to your knees. I have no doubts he loves when we are stirred to holy rage over fourteen year old girls that are forced to perform sexual acts for men. I believe he loves passionate tears poured out over a friend's trials. I am sure he is singing joy over us when we are excited about a surprise birthday party thrown in our honor.

 

I am telling you to be on guard of the other thoughts that slip in so easily if we aren't on our toes.
 

Like rage over the person who goes no faster than the speed limit on the freeway,

or suspicion over the people who didn't show to your surprise party.
 

Don't give the devil a foothold, but use moderation.
 

Finally, sweet girl, I ask you to be you, without scrambling to hide your brokenness. To believe you are beautiful with all your heart & to not listen to anything different. You are worth more than rubies. More than gold. You are beautiful, lovely, & enthralling. Believe that.