On the occasion of your mask getting soggy.

She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes & starry skies;

& all that's best of dark & bright

Meet in her aspect & her eyes.

LORD BYRON, SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY

 

I was going in for an interview, desperate for a fresh start at a new locale with exciting, unfamiliar faces to memorize. She knew I wore my nerves as a cardigan, the perfect outfit essential in every season, abundantly loosening the buttons within every nerve racking circumstance. Gazing at my bundle of nerves making nest in my brow, she spoke with authority as I grasped at the reverberations invisibly spewing my way.

The most important thing to remember is to fake confidence, no matter what.

 

 

I breathed deep, wanting more than anything for the confidence to come naturally, for the ease to flow in each graceful step that seemed to shrink into short stammering hesitance as I walked into the doorway, into the center of a world filled with bustle unaware of the wide-eyed girl playing with her fingers in the corner, awkwardly awaiting a life altering meeting.

 

& this fake boldness that I carried that day I have carried into every interview following, every occasion when I am called to rise up, coming out of my slouched position of lip biting and hair twirling. & this masked person is incredibly impressive, able to maintain eye contact, smile through words, always so self-assured. & I always wish she could stay.

 

& she can. Just not under a mask. Because eventually the make up beneath clumps and the mask gets sticky from the steam of respiration.

One shade the more, one ray the less,

Had half impaired the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,

Or softly lightens o'er her face;

Where thoughts serenely sweet express,

How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

LORD BYRON, SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY

 

 

The girls are the age of rolling laughter over the tossing of a ball in a circle. The age of favorite colors & ages being voluntary spilled before names. The age of coloring portions of the pretty pictures in the coloring book, but never finishing one. The age of Kool-Aid mustaches taking as much effort to scrub off as the cereal box tattoos on the marker stained hands.


We play Old Maid with the Disney princesses, & I take in their playful disposition. The delight taken of who they are, the self-assuredness that wears the plastic clomping heels & those hands that fling the hair as if its golden. I watch the glistening eyes that love their friends as much as themselves. The eyes that tell secrets & the joy that turns whispers into outside voices.


They believe that they are beloved.
They are unashamed of the passions that consume them.
They walk with authority, poise, & confidence.



& they are not even faking it.

& on that cheek, & o'er that brow,

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent,

A mind at peace with all below,

A heart whose love is innocent.

LORD BYRON, SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY

 

 

 

Sure, you can keep the mask. No one's pulling it off. But it sure does get steamy under there (& a bit smelly, if I do say so myself). & what if you could be bold & keep it? What if you could walk in confidence all of your days & not be hiding someone?

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she laughs without fear of the future..

[PROVERBS 31:25]

 

 

 

For God has not given us a spirit of fear & timidity, but of power, love, & a sound mind.

[2 TIMOTHY 1:7]

 

 

 

So be strong & courageous! Do not be afraid & do not panic before them. For the Lord

your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.

[DEUTERONOMY 31:6]

 

 

 

The wicked run away when no one is chasing them,

but the godly are as bold as lions.

[PROVERBS 28:1]

You are more than you think you are, because it is never just you. God is always, always with you, as he keeps His promise to stay not out of obligation, but out of longing for you. Even in the silence, God is still attentive to you.

With that being said, our God is a consuming fire, & He is all-powerful, all-knowing, & all-present. Nothing takes Him by surprise; he is our ultimate source of focus & an alert mind. He alone knows what the future holds & can prepare us for it's alarming depth. He is power, He is boldness, & He is the root of confidence. Don't let who you were created to be become tampered with. Open wide your heart & receive the Spirit he's made for you. A spirit of boldness, confidence, & self-assured beauty.



& you'll never have to wear the mask ever again.
Thee end.