So maybe that's the scam.

We love Jesus on Sundays.
    Every Sunday he posts pictures of the pastor preaching the message. But how's he really grasping the root of the message when he's busy picking a filter? She stands taller than everyone because she's proclaimed herself a Christian, & she walks like she's on a catwalk wearing six inch heels. But at work, all anyone ever hears from her is complaining & all they ever see is a walking time bomb of rage. So that's the ultimate love that everyone's missing out on? & this is where we're all lost, because this is the moment I realize my eyes aren't any longer on my lover who sits on the throne. Instead, I'm looking around at everyone else.

Pick up a damp cloth, already.
    My glasses are never clean. I mean never. The people at my work are always trying to be good people & drop the hint that maybe it's time to wipe my lenses off or get new glasses. My mom even goes so far as to wipe them off for me. My filthy glasses have nothing to do with me being to lazy to walk over to the sink, squirt some water on them, & grab a cloth. The thing is, I can see perfectly fine. I can't even tell anythings wrong other than the casual fog that sometimes passes as I look a different direction. I can see crystal clear. How? The first scratch I got on my lens I saw as plain as day. It bothered me. There was no way I could focus on anything else when everyone was sliced in half. But the more dings & scratches & hairspray that accumulated, the more adjusted my eyes had gotten to looking through a fuzzy filter.
    Why am I telling you about how dirty & disgusting I let my glasses get? I think a lot of times my mental state works similarly. The first distraction when you're on a spiritual high is like a bug on your arm. You can't help but notice the ticklish trail of the little legs crawling across your skin. So you look down, & if you're normal you flick that annoying thing off. Who does that bug think he is? You are completely alert & sensitive to the devil & his tactics. The further you come off of that high & face the world, the more immune you become to your conscious, creating distance between you & your sensitivity to Satan's mind games. Sometimes, (I shouldn't ever admit this) I will let the bug crawl on me for a second before giving it a concussion (also, depending on the bug... we're talking maybe a lady bug). I love the feeling of something tickling my arm. But after a second, I can no longer feel the little legs scooting. I'm desensitized. (Flick.) The more you allow things to become alright that used to convict you, the more you allow the devil a foothold he was never meant to have. I love Jesus, I love Jesus, I love Jesus, & was she dressing for church today or the club & I love Jesus, & maybe they should get married before they get a pleasant surprise, & he should put as much into his relationship with Christ as he does with his music,... & here I am. My focus completely dropped. I'm no longer gazing upon the throne of grace but the silly nonsense that has absolutely nothing to do with me.

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ,

set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits

in the place of honor at God's right hand. Think about the things

of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, & your

real life is hidden with Christ in God. & when Christ, who is your

life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.

So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you...now is

the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, & dirty 

language. Don't lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful

nature & all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, & be renewed as you

learn to know your Creator & become like him. In this life, it doesn't matter if

you are a Jew or Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized,

slave or free. Christ is all that matters & he lives in all of us.

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe 

yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, & patience.

Make allowances for each other's faults, & forgive anyone who offends you.

Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all,

clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect

harmony. & let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your

hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live 

in peace. & always be thankful.

Colossians 3:1-5, 8-15

...plant beauty in your heart. FRED DE WITT VAN AMBURGH
     I want to flourish. I've always admired that girl with the loud laugh, the one who turns heads & causes the obnoxious scene. All because of uncontained joy. She's fearless, unafraid of the judgmental stares that will follow her breakthrough. A simple, deep, heartfelt laugh. The kind that rolls out of your internal organs like a wave. That's the girl I want to be.
    Who do you want to be? Yours could be opposite mine. Maybe fearless to you looks like surviving the silence. Always looking to fill the quiet & trying to avoid awkward silence that could occur, you're a babbling fool. All because you're uncomfortable & afraid of what the silence could bring. Discomfort. So instead of risking it, you flood the time with meaningless words.
    & who knows. Maybe the first step towards finding that person we all long to be is a matter of an inward search, rather than an outward treasure hunt. We take in so much. We're bombarded by cool catch phrases, fads on the clothing racks, & social media trends. The advice from your momma growing up makes you- whether you accepted it or not. The way the people you allow closest to you all leave trails in your innermost being. So we have a lot inside of us! & who's to say, that underneath all of the expectations of who people want us to be & the person we are now, there isn't a magnificent alabaster jar from our heavenly father full of beauty waiting to be unraveled? So. maybe that first tip toe in the right direction to find that person we want to be, to find the storehouses of his presence that He tells us are with us always, maybe that door is next to the Father on the throne, where he asks us to fix our eyes from the very beginning. Maybe that's where all this treasure is waiting. For us to simply raise our gaze.
 
Break your fixed stare, fix your broken heart. 
    He loves when we see Him for who He is, & He loves when we wait for Him to lead the way. As much as I know His heart breaks when we are broken, when we respond by turning around, hands begging for our Father to lift us, I'm sure He is joy filled.

To the Lord I cry aloud, & He answers me from His holy hill.

(Psalm 3:4)

They were helped...because they cried out to [God] during battle. 

He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him.

(1 Chronicles 5:20)

In my distress, I called to the Lord;

I cried to my God for help.

From his temple he heard my voice;

my cry came before him, into his ears.

(Psalm 18:6)

    In Exodus, when God was with the Israelite people, He led them by pillar cloud. He went before them when they needed guidance, & went behind them when they needed protection. When Moses went in to speak before the Lord in the tent of meeting for the people, the arrival of the Lord couldn't be mistaken. The pillar cloud would descend to the entrance to the tent. When God gave the commands for the set up & building of the temple, when he spoke of the bowl of incense, the smoke was supposed to represent the prayers of the people rising to the Lord. He wants us to know He hears, & his ears are attentive to our cries. He knows the voice of his beloved.

For heaven's sake.
    So rise, sweet child. Lift your voices, lift your eyes. Dare to rise above what's placed in front of you & bask in the heavenly picture. God in the flesh, at the right hand of God the Father, beholding all hidden treasures. & all you have to do is ask. Fix your eyes on the author & perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:1-2), & for heaven's sake ask.

Ask & it will be given to you;

seek & you will find;

knock & the door will be opened to you. 

For everyone who asks receives;

he whos seeks finds;

& to him who knocks, 

the door will be opened.

(Matthew 7:7-8)

    I believe in you. I know with the power of Christ living inside of you, nothing can stop you. He is with you always & he is constant & he is for you. Believe in that. Believe in yourself. Believe that normal isn't getting caught up in the gossip of other people around you, but living wholly fixed on the only one who can satisfy the thirst you have in your heart. That longing can be filled. Believe that you can break your thought pattern & your mind can be made new. & it is a thought pattern, & it will take being fearless in the face of what others could think of you. I'm convinced that we're only afraid of what others think of us because of what we think of others. So ask Jesus to purify your heart & mind, & watch the fears fall away. Ask & receive. Knock on that door. He'll be on the other side opening it. He can change your awful habits, he can heal what you've broken, & he has forgiven your stumbling feet. Live in him & be new.