Such a hot topic in which many are very strongly opinionated. So I probably shouldn't open this door, but I've recently just begun Forgotten God by Francis Chan & it's reverberating against my narrow mind, spreading the walls to shed some light on the dim room. & maybe I'm feeling a little feisty. But hold up- before you nonbelievers in the room close your screens & you advocates start to critique everything I am about to say, take note of this: I have never spoken in tongues a day in my life. Never. Not once. Wasn't even introduced to the whole idea until about four years ago. Sure, under hushed whispers the small, conservative church I was raised in spoke of the church down the road who 'spoke in tongues', but as a young girl who lived a very sheltered life spiritually & physically, I had no idea what this 'tongues' jive meant. Then one day I shot from 12 to 22 & now I'm standing in a different church most Sundays asking myself what I even believe.
But here is where I am at after beginning this book with Francis Chan, along with my own additional thought processes brought to light from along the way. I am only into the first chapter thus far, but Chan asks if when you take the people out of the church, do you know by their actions & lifestyle that they are Jesus followers?
Honestly, sometimes I am embarrassed by some of my "Christian"
neighbors because my unbelieving neighbors seem so much more joyful,
welcoming, & at peace.
(FRANCIS CHAN, FORGOTTEN GOD)
I would believe in their salvation if they looked a little more
like people who have been saved.
(FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE, COMMENTING ON THE CHRISTIANS HE KNEW)
Now am I saying this is all due to the fact that there are churches in America that escort the 'disruptive' spirit of tongues from their worship centers? No. I am simply taking you on a journey through my mind, because these are all merely the battlegrounds in my head I am trying to sort through. So go with me here. Let's visit Timothy.
But mark this: there will be terrible times in the last days. People
will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive,
disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving,
slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous,
rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God- having
a form of godliness but denying its power.
Have nothing to do with them.
(2 TIMOTHY 3)
Hard to not have anything to do with anyone in the world, including yourself, is it not? But really, this verse strikes home with me, as I feel it & live it often. What about the 'having a form of godliness but denying its power' part? Um, HELLO, Holy Spirit, anyone?!?
I know, I am getting carried away, but passion for his house has consumed me. We have a living God breathing inside of us. We are talking something alive. Imagine a beehive, swarming with activity. Now imagine it inside of you. There is your reality check.
Your inner beehive.
This is not just a talk about tongues, because the Holy Spirit came more than just to manifest itself through us so we could speak in God's key & completely confuse every nonbeliever, thinking 'use your words...'. In Galatians, Paul writes that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control. (go read Galatians 5:16-26!) This is the very essence of the God inside of us. He says 'you wanna know what I'm like?' Well there you have it. He is all goodness, love, joy, patience, gentleness, self-control, faithfulness, peace, & kindness.
Have you ever been asked that 'did they have it better walking with Jesus or do we have it better with the Holy Spirit' question? Despite what you believe, upon his ascending to heaven, Jesus said it was best for him to leave, so that he could send us the Spirit, whom he refers to as the Great Counselor. So here's to therapy & it's dwelling within you. Thanks, God.
I clench my fists.
Here is the reality of it. I have had a dear friend ask me if he could pray over me before & I told him no. When God even brings to mind things like speaking in tongues & walking to the front of the church to stand by the altar during worship, I flat out say no. In fact, I don't even let him get as far as to even ask. I warn him while my feet take those stairs up to my comfortable, camouflage seat in the back corner of the balcony, don't get any ideas. I have clenched my fists to the degree of power I allow the Holy Spirit to have in my life. This whole time I am reading all these books that talk about saying yes to God & I have been sitting here thinking that I am such an obedient little open book. I say, Oh Lord, have your way! But really, I have said no to God. Over, & over, again. So who am I to say that God cannot gather his people at his altar & holy tongues rain down to fill each of his children who come? Who am I to say that if I handed God over this crucial area in my life that I have kept such a tight grip on, He couldn't fill me even more with the Holy Spirit?
What is my conclusion, do you say? I don't know. But one thing said in Forgotten God that really hit home with conviction was this:
Fear of stepping outside of a certain framework causes
us to be biased in our interpretations.
(FRANCIS CHAN)
I have never been so bold as to walk down the aisle to the front of the church. Maybe I have never been so broken. I have never been prayed over in the way of laying on of hands a day in my life, which was very significant to the early church. Do I believe I am saved? Absolutely. I know the Father & I love Jesus. But I have found myself guilty of quenching the Spirit in my life. Many times I let circumstance thrust my emotions over what he wants to do in my life & through my life. I allow the opinions of others to control my decisions. I don't want others to think I'm not saved. I don't want them to treat me like a child. Is that ridiculous or what? This whole thought of carrying a living God with me, a refining fire inside, has always just slid right down, without any commotion or second thoughts. But this time it's different. I'm swallowing this message & it's getting caught on something on the way down, taking me back to a dream I had last summer.
It was me, the altar, & that woman.
This is actually a surprise ending for me as well, because it wasn't until I got half way through that last sentence that it had even crossed my mind to share this with you.
But it was last summer, I had been going regularly to a new church that did entertain the Holy Spirit in ways that past churches had tucked away. Sometime within the mixture of my attending Sunday Services & beginning to attend the young adult Tuesday night group led by the pastor & his wife, I had a very vivid dream. In my dream, I was sitting on the steps to the altar with the pastor's wife. Whether we were alone or not, I couldn't even tell you, but she was praying over me, & I was feeling the fire of the Spirit arising within me, knowing what was trying to surface. But I went into panic mode, sucking back the presence, replacing a holy experience with a no, no, no. It was right there, on the tip of my tongue, but I was the one withholding it from myself.
That dream was for now, this moment as my fingers are pecking the keyboard. The moment of my eyes shifting through Francis Chan's thought provoking, edifying words.
Maybe I'm not finished.
Maybe I don't want to live by fear anymore.
Maybe I want to unleash the Spirit within me.
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