A penny for my vacationing thoughts.

Alabama was beautiful. Breathtaking, really. Before going, I had learned through others that the area was not as much of a touristy location, & upon my returning, I now can fully grasp exactly what words couldn’t capture. Experience brings life to words. & in my own humble opinion, one of the most satisfying, freeing gifts from God is the gift of revelation. The gift of understanding that only comes from the senses. A hands on experience, one-on-one time with the Maker.

A thankfulness behind experiencing mercy & grace, when you see the mess as bigger than forgiveness. & somehow, it’s covered.

A love for a niece & nephew as they grow. The do-no-wrong, unconditional love that you cannot understand until you’re the giver.

A freedom of a debt lifted, when you’ve felt the weight of the stress, worry, & anxiety as you’ve been struggling underneath.

I’m learning it’s the little things, really, that give the big their name. Situations that draw emotion, opening windows to allow the fresh autumn breeze to flow through the house. Situations that grow your roots deeper & bring strangers to your doorstep. Situations that give the opportunity to let go, raising the white flag in surrender. Situations in which you yield to the Holy Spirit’s ebb & flow, rolling within the tides. & I’m learning things.

I’m learning the beauty in a stranger’s voice.

I love southerners. More than their thick accents & inability to understand the speed-talking Ohio girls, I adore their hospitality & their intentional kindness. We walked through many grocery stores, souvenir shops, & restaurants on vacation. Much more than the four of us would like to admit. (I may have sung the song that played on repeat in every surf shop to my parents on our 18 hour trip home.) Sunday, when we found a local church to attend, a more recent family tradition, we were not the outcasts. We were welcomed with open arms, caught in the lobby talking to a warmhearted woman for about fifteen minutes, followed by a fifteen minute talk with the greeter by the worship center, the man giving us his number in case we would need anything at all while we were in the area. His voice softened my heart, as he encouraged, ‘now don’t hesitate to call over anything, whatever it is, you let me know’. I see new faces in church, & I simply observe & diagnose from afar. These people said good morning across the aisles, smiled in passing, & wrote their number for strangers. The church was large & filled & united & loving. They were Christ.

Strangers in the grocery store smiled, said excuse me, thank you, & other small talk in passing. Then I come back home, where I smile at a stranger & am lucky to not get a strange look. When I returned to work, I heard a story from several coworkers of a situation that happened while I was away.

One man doesn’t drive. Another was going out to pick up lunch. So the man extended his money, asking for a sandwich, too. The coworker said sure, returning with nothing more than the bank card. He walked up to the man & said, I did this to teach you a lesson. You can’t depend on anyone other than yourself.

True story.

& I go south & I wonder why these people are so sweet & all family-like & I come home & hear rejection. I hear people telling others to build walls & isolate themselves. I hear the same people who speak of a horrible world with horrible people & I witness the hands that do horrible deeds. & they are all one in the same. I remember in kindergarten when kindness was the golden rule, but anymore, I think we’ve forgotten. So I vow to extend myself beyond my selfishness. I want to become something so much more than Ohio. & please don’t mistake this label to catch every heart in the buckeye state, because truth be told day by day I am given opportunities to see the most amazing women & men in Christ do things that inspire me to stretch myself more. I want what they have. & this is not a label & we are not held captive. We have equally been equipped. We have the same heartbeat as the southern sweethearts. The question is whether we allow our jobs & the hurtful people to break us in, or whether we ebb & flow with the Spirit. Whether we can get passed our own ‘I don’t feel like it’ & reach out. Because truth be told, I highly doubt the kindhearted people in the grocery store thought to themselves ‘I just really feel like reaching out to these strangers’. They have lists & priorities & quotas all the same. They could also probably tell me about a few mean, hurtful people in their daily lives. But being selfless is a choice, just as many other qualities we could have. Everything is possible with God, if you choose to live a life of acceptance & belief, a continuous ‘YES’ to his ways.

I'm learning home is a place of associations.

A keeper of memories. A place of rest & shelter & peace.
 

Our room was incredible. The whole resort was, as the glass enclosed elevators gave a birds-eye view to the tropical plants & comfy loungers below. My sister & I shared a room with two queen sized beds, two loveseats, & a large bathroom with a jacuzzi tub, glass encased shower, & a walk in closet. The kitchen made me dream of my own marble countertops & stainless steel appliances. The balcony extended from me & my sister’s room to the other side of the living room. It was definitely excessive & definitely luxurious. & day three I was ready to wrap it up & head home.

I missed here. This house with the creaky steps & the unfinished walls. The kitchen with the hole in the floor & the dry erase board without markers. The crack in the floor where my best friend & I would listen in, giggling over lovey-dovey conversations between my brother & his ex-girlfriend. The cat that tries to sit on my bible as I’m reading it & trips me up the stairs. Everything. Home is the imperfections & the remember whens. Home is where life happened/s. Home is this & this is not for sale. Things can’t make another place earn the title of home. It’s in the heart. & that is pretty magical, if I do say so myself.  

I'm learning a stillness.

Because moving & paddling isn’t always necessary. God’s familiar words to be still & know I am pace through my mind, back & forth. & it’s hard to know what to do when everyone is telling you to do something different & be somebody different & take things different ways. I read all the time. Everyday I’m tracing through someone else’s words, trying to find answers to make it through each day. Books tell me to do more because actions are your heart on your sleeve. I’ve read books to rest & keep the Sabbath holy. I’ve read books that tell me I need to reach out more to people overseas. I’ve read so many commands. I’ve read God’s commands, & his command to be still & know. & he tells me he will fight for me. & some people tell me God needs me & some people tell me to sit around & let God do it all without intervening. & so what to do, I don’t know anymore. So I’ll go back to the basics, & just let the definite truth remain.

Be still & know I am.

& on my way home from vacation I was reading & I couldn’t tell you what. But I know this is the thought process that took over my mind.

A dad picks up a little girl. Maybe he holds her up like the Lion King, maybe he is just carrying her in his arms. Either way. The little girl is still. She lets her daddy carry her. She is not squeamish. She does not reach for the walls to cling to so she doesn’t fall. She doesn’t pedal her little stubby legs to help her father move in the direction they need to go. She is still. She trusts him. & she rests. & she knows him & his love for her.

& maybe that’s the be still & know that God is constantly whispering over his people. Maybe it’s that grace has paved the way before us & we no longer have to tiptoe over broken glass. Because grace is a person named Jesus who has picked us up to carry us where we need to go. & we don’t need to cling to the walls or throw our arms out for balance. Because that would just be completely silly. We can be still. We can know.

So vacation was good.

& home is good, too. & the Father answered many prayers on vacation & gave me everything I could’ve ever wished for. So with that,

I praise you, Lord. Thank you for a breath of fresh air & the gift of experience. Thank you for kindhearted people in Alabama that make me question my own intentional kindness. Thank you for encouraging me through the kindness I have received. Thank you for blessing me with a home that holds love & a family that carries You. Thank you for rest that you bring as you hold out your arms for us to jump into. Thank you for oceans of grace.  Thank you for birthday gifts like sea shells. Thank you for wanting me.

Amen.